were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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