you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
