Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
