Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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