sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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