Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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