And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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