there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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