i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
