i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
