I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
