I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
