you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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