Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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