I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
