If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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