Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
