girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
