somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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