Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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