She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
