There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
