Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
