They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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