i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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