watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
