I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
