DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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