I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
