Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
