So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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