if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
