i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
