why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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