I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
