If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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