Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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