You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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