There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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