youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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