i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
