I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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