I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh god the rape fog is back!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
