I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
