I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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