Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
