Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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