Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
