So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
