I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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