brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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