I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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