he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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