I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
