Your mouth is God's brothel.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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