from now on my penis is your penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
