Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
