Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
