we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
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