Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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