ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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