i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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