Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
