So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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