There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
