Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
