I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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