Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
