I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
